Looking back, today will probably be the most painful of my journeys as an invader. Sure, when I accepted this job, I assumed there'd be a few malfunctions to fix, or situations to avoid. My Great great great great Granddad was Invader Zim, for goodness sake! My family definitely had some stories to tell! But I never thought my journeys would bring such physical hardship on my sensitive alien skin (darn gravity!). Isn't it hard enough deciphering your language and manner of time? And that thing you call the sun! Ow, just one minute outside is enough to burn my head like a burger! I must have lost at least FIVE brain cells that day! Back to the point, let's start from the beginning of my journey:
So I was sitting in one of those comfortable spinning captain's chairs, like they have on Star Trek, staring at the monitor on my communications/locating device with (what was that expression?) hawk's eyes? Zaboodle (my pet/sidekick) was singing a Taylor Swift song and chewing a newly discovered earth item: Bubble gum. I guess there could have been a malfunction in my locating device, because I didn't see earth until I was one hundred feet away from it. I didn't have time to turn or brake, so instead I panicked (No, Zaboodle, I did NOT scream like a little earthling girl!). We did a nosedive toward the planet and I had just enough time to disguise myself as an ugly human girl when we hit the planet full force. I went flying, and by some miracle of engineering, Zaboodle's human- made seatbelt he had forced me to install in our spaceship surprisingly saved his delicate bones from the force. I, however, was not so lucky. I hit the floor of our wrecked spaceship and my bones must have broken in at least five places. I heard a human voice, and my finger crawled toward our spaceship's large red "Self destruct button". Hesitantly, I poked the button. I imagined dramatic music as the spaceship junk disintegrated around us. The music got louder as a little girl looked down at me from overhead, saying, "Are you okay?"
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