Don't Hire an Alien to do a Comedian's Job

Heyah, Schmafoodle here! Today was a totally super day for discovery! Firstly, I learned of a widely celebrated holiday to some humans called Halloween. Strangely, it seems as though this day (Oct. 31) is a day where children dress up as mythical beings, and go around asking for candy. I can't wait to experience this day first-handed. Just ten more days!

Second, I learned about the strange art of comedy. In a restaurant I went to, there was a man who called himself a comedian. He stood up on the stage and spoke of many (rather offensive) things he called jokes. Afterward, I started to hear these "jokes" everywhere; children on the street, adults watching tv, it seems as though everyone is a comedian. Zaboodle, of course, loves this new found knowledge. He laughs every time he hears a joke, even if it is from a child. Wanting to learn as much as I could about this human hobby, I decided to try it myself. Here is a joke I tried on Zaboodle:
Q: What did the frog say to the chicken? A: Let me catch that for you.
Needless to say, I didn't think Zaboodle could fall asleep that fast. Perhaps I'll stick to invading, not comedy. Well, it's time I be going, so,
Schmafoodle
       Signing off.
        

Mission from Mars

Hola! It's me, Schmafoodle again. I just want to say today went smoothly (after I figured out the Mars chocolate factory wasn't really working for Mars). I read a new novel today, what was it, Twilight? It was very romantic and heartwarming, but I couldn't help wondering why you humans may write about things no one really believes in. I tried asking the lady at the lobby of a hotel, but she ignored me, and said she had work to do. I soon found myself being dragged out of the building by armed security guards, but I figured it was some sort of welcoming gesture.

I made another exciting discovery today as well! My emergency food supply from my planet was running low, so I decided I'd try your human food. When I realized what it was, I was repulsed. How can one bring himself to eat a hot dog, which to me is like betraying the animals that live in your homes. My planet is strictly vegan, so I was surprised to see how one can eat so much bologne without feeling guilty.

Schmafoodle out...
                    ^
& Zaabbbbbooooddddllleeee!!!

To Be Continued (teeheehee)

Schmafoodle waz here!!!

Hey guys it's me again! Not much has been going on lately, so I've just been chilling at my condo reading fashion magazines and doing word puzzles. Since nothing really has been going on, I've decided I only really need to post occasionally. Check back every week for new updates.

P.S. If I get ten followers and/or fifty pageviews, I will post a picture of my loyal sidekick, Zaboodle. (Hey, Zaboodle, No! Don't sit on my key-
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BOARD!!!)

A Peek at Society

Friday, June 3rd, 2011
Sorry I didn't write these last few days. I must've crashed a little harder than I thought, because not only did I break my bones in seven places, I also passed out for two days. I just woke up this morning. The last things I remember were hitting a big red button and seeing a little ten year old girl. Let's start from there:
My eyes snapped open. I looked down at my body and nearly screamed. I had forgotten I was still disguised as a human girl. I sighed a deep breath of relief before I realized where I was. I was lying on a soft white bed with even softer down pillows. There was a sheet resembling a bath curtain hanging around the closet-like room I was in. I noticed the bandages all over my body. My planet had evolved enough to heal quickly, so it appeared my bones had healed themselves. They've found me out! I thought frantacally. I must be in a lab now, where they test all the aliens for DNA proof! I began to panic. Where was Zaboodle? I needed to find my way out of here. I jumped out of bed, realizing I had a flowy article of clothing tied around my neck and back. I ripped the curtain out of my way. A man with a surgical mask and rubber gloves was walking toward me. He had a clipboard in one hand. Surgical mask? Ha! They think I'm contaminated, I thought. The man stopped and I noticed the little girl I had seen before I was knocked out. She was walking beside him. "Will she be okay, Daddy?" she said sweetly. The man scrunched his eyebrows. "I don't know, honey. I think she had some medical issues in the past, judging by her green blood. And she must've had quite a fall. Her bones are broken in seven places." Realizing they were talking about me, I jumped back in bed, closing the bath curtains behind me. Moments later, The doctor and his daughter came in with a nurse. Noticing I was awake, they looked at me curiously. "She doesn't appear to have any broken bones," said the nurse. "Are you sure you read the machinery correctly?" The docter was about to say something, but I cut him off. "Let me go!" I shouted frantically, jumping out of bed. "You can't hold me here!" The nurse pushed me back in bed, and explained that I was in a hospital to heal. "What is your name, anyhow?" she asked me. "Schmafoodle," I responded. Quickly, I said, "I'm German." That seemed to satisfy their pitiful human minds, because they didn't ask any more questions, they just gave me some medicine and let me go. I changed back into my own clothes and left. I still can't believe they didn't ask me who my parents were. So I found a nice condo and stayed there for the night. 

My Crash Landing on Earth

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Looking back, today will probably be the most painful of my journeys as an invader. Sure, when I accepted this job, I assumed there'd be a few malfunctions to fix, or situations to avoid. My Great great great great Granddad was Invader Zim, for goodness sake! My family definitely had some stories to tell! But I never thought my journeys would bring such physical hardship on my sensitive alien skin (darn gravity!). Isn't it hard enough deciphering your language and manner of time? And that thing you call the sun! Ow, just one minute outside is enough to burn my head like a burger! I must have lost at least FIVE brain cells that day! Back to the point, let's start from the beginning of my journey:

So I was sitting in one of those comfortable spinning captain's chairs, like they have on Star Trek, staring at the monitor on my communications/locating device with (what was that expression?) hawk's eyes? Zaboodle (my pet/sidekick) was singing a Taylor Swift song and chewing a newly discovered earth item: Bubble gum. I guess there could have been a malfunction in my locating device, because I didn't see earth until I was one hundred feet away from it. I didn't have time to turn or brake, so instead I panicked (No, Zaboodle, I did NOT scream like a little earthling girl!). We did a nosedive toward the planet and I had just enough time to disguise myself as an ugly human girl when we hit the planet full force. I went flying, and by some miracle of engineering, Zaboodle's human- made seatbelt he had forced me to install in our spaceship surprisingly saved his delicate bones from the force. I, however, was not so lucky. I hit the floor of our wrecked spaceship and my bones must have broken in at least five places. I heard a human voice, and my finger crawled toward our spaceship's large red "Self destruct button". Hesitantly, I poked the button. I imagined dramatic music as the spaceship junk disintegrated around us. The music got louder as a little girl looked down at me from overhead, saying, "Are you okay?"

The Adventure Begins!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Hello! My name is Schmafoodle. I am from a distant planet that humans cannot pronounce the name of. My planet is an ally of Mars, so I am working undercover as an Invader to learn the ways of you earthlings. If all goes well, our planets may become allies and RULE THE GALAXY TOGETHER!!! Muhahahahaha! Anyway, I will be carefully observing the culture and dignity of you people, and me and my sidekick, Zaboodle, will pick out every little detail. Tomorrow I will be landing on your puny little planet, so be prepared, my friends, BE PREPARED!!! ~

Schmafoodle